Time to focus
January is already a wrap and it wasn't as spectacular of a month compared to previous January's. As you know it started off great with my biggest score on party, $2.2k in the $109 but since then things went downhill. Now I can make this a very long talk of things that maybe went wrong and.. I think it just comes down to one thing: lack of focus. A lack of focus can appear in many forms, it is not just not being present. I see a lack of focus also in not prioritizing well, not taking enough care of yourself.. which then also makes you vulnerable to other things. It makes you vulnerable to valuing yourself less, makes you vulnerable to judgment.. and what all those things do is taking away the focus on what you should be focusing on. It costs a lot of energy, it drains you. But it also frustrates, because you know better and you want to do better. Looking back at all my previous blogs, but also my previous actions and situations that frustrated me... it can all be traced back to insecurities and lack of focus.
I am not pumped to see that I still struggle with the same things sometimes, but also not pumped to see the mistakes I've made over time. Wrong decisions or just not being a nice person overal. Everything that happens and happened is on me. I let that happen. The thing is, that happened and can't change it. What I can do is change my future actions and try to do better. I should get back to work, put in the work that I can. Focus on what matters, stop convincing and explaining myself all the time (also to myself), it only distracts. Not just me, but it also distracts from the actual story. I don't like to admit it, but it's true. Less bullshitting, less taking the easy road and more accountability and just get shit done.
I have to stay on top of my game
The coming time I will be spending time on studying poker, making sure we stay on top of our game even when we are on a downswing. We currently down like 125 buyins or so, but the $109's and $55's take a huge part in that. So gonna drop the $109's for now at least, so also I can focus on my game and improving and not on the results. I also want to be more focused with my other work, actively trying to create new things and set up new business relationships. Everyone who thinks I was already doing and accomplishing a lot, thank you for the compliment first of all, but.. I can do more and I can do it better. So let's do it!
Monday it is my Birthday, turning 21. Sunday my Grandmom turns 80, so this weekend we are going to celebrate. Should be a lot of fun. It also shows somewhat the sacrifices that have been made to get to where I am. No full house of friends to celebrate with, that's not always easy or always fun but also this is how it is and should not distract from what matters. Gotta accept it, make the best of it and clap and sing for my own at all times. This is the course I decided to take and a course that can only continue in a good way when I am one with myself. Story to be continued.