This was 2018
We are at the end of 2018 and I would like to take the time to look back at it and in the next blog we will be looking at what my plans are for 2019.2018 was for me the year of exploring and I certainly did not have that in mind at the beginning of the year. It was supposed to be the year that it had to happen. I only took one gap year, so at the beginning of the year there was still certainly the possibility that I had to go to University in the Summer. Luckily... that did not happen.
January was a crazy month, to be honest December 2017 was already a great warm-up. My mindset in December had changed so much compared to the months before that... we went on a trip to Hamburg in November for the Pokerstars Festival. Even though I was devastated how the deep runs ended there for me, I came back more motivated than ever and you really saw that back in December. Also in 2017 we had a long stretch of losing, Hamburg refreshed my mind and luckily was profitable. I was unleashed in December, really enjoying the festive atmosphere and I was really enjoying playing. So coming into January, even though with the mindset that it had to happen this year, I was pretty relaxed but motivated. I got a great opportunity to work with RaiseYourEdge, they saw I had been adding lots of value to their community and they took me up on that. But that was not the only thing that happened in January. January was my biggest winning month ever and it was not even close, a 10k month... that were times!
February was not so great to be honest, don't think it was because of expectations but more because of focus. When you are running hot it all comes easy, but when it then doesn't... you are in trouble. I turned 19, birthday... I found and still find it very difficult to regain focus when having spent time with family and/or friends. Something that I really want to work on in 2019. How? I don't know yet.
All the months after have been... on the grind rather difficult. We had a lot of close calls, even in January believe it or not we had a lot of close calls where we could have won way more than we actually did. We had a lot of deep runs but lots of them finished at the 21st place, not a place you like to finish. I was struggling mentally, after all in my mind this was the year it had to happen. How can we not win anymore? How can we keep busting in final 2/3 tables? What am I even doing? In all honesty... I was just a mess mentally. Work ethic wasn't good, wasn't studying enough...In June I went on holiday with Stripps, Dabledore and a friend of mine to Curacao, it was a blast. Nothing more to add. But I was also pumped to get back on the grind, was planning to create as much content as I could. The thought of: "this is the year that it has to happen", was gone. University was off the table for me. Even though the grind had been tough, the results and working with RYE, was good enough for me to continue doing what I was doing. I had been working on my mindset, reverse engineering, watching a lot of Gary Vaynerchuk, Simon Sinek, those guys. I was always fairly self aware but in 2018 I have made huge leaps forward on all mental aspects. The grind when I came back? Didn't change compared to the previous months.
But there was a nice surprise, a nice lil cherry on the cake to be won: a platinumpass! RunItUp was giving away a PlatinumPass to the next Top Twitch Poker Streamer. That was playing right in my plans of creating as much content as I could. So I did, streaming 150 days in a row, 6 hours on average each day, with creating other content on the side and working for RaiseYourEdge.
In November we had the RYE meet-up in Vienna, that was an absolute blast as well. So much fun to meet everyone but also so inspiring and motivating to see so many likeminded people who are all ambitious and doing everything they can to succeed. After Vienna, I was pumped again to grind of course and looking forward to the PlatinumPass results, thinking it was close between mainly me and Pav. Well we all know how that ended... I am still not over the fact that we did not even make it into the final 5.... how? I genuinely still don't know. It threw me off, it got me down, it got me doubting, it got me contemplating... fuck! Is this going to be the end? When it gets tough I just give up and find something else?
No, no no... this is another obstacle that I need to overcome, treat it as another stepping stone. Continue to remind myself why I am doing this, continue to remind myself what I have already accomplished. What's next was the question, what can I change? What could I have done better?
Things became clear to me, one of the mistakes I seemed to continue to make was playing/streaming when not 100% in the zone. Causing to not be on top of my game, causing me to be somewhat toxic sometimes.. it was the reailty and I am not ashamed of it.. but I need to improve on it. I want to help people doing what they like doing, helping them to accomplish things and giving them the support they may need to take that leap. But it is just not effective if I am a mess myself, if I am not thoroughly enjoying what I am doing, if I am not in the strongest mindset.
What causes me to not be 100% when playing/streaming? That was the question. And I think it is not always doing what I like doing. Sometimes I do not feel like playing poker, sometimes I am not feeling like talking all day, yet I pushed myself every single day. I was trying to boost myself up for it each time and every time it got harder and harder. So I think it is going to be important to take quality breaks, meaning a break where I don't work a little bit, but really not at all, completely disconnected. I will be touching on that topic in the next blog, because it is one of my goals.
By now we have come to December, the month where the good stuff started last year. And to be honest, same thing this year. I took some days off the grind, figuring stuff out that I talked about above. I was the old me again when I started streaming, energetic, laughing... just having a good time. And guess what! It became easy again to study. It became easy again to create content. And halleluja! There were the results again. There is no way it is a coincidence that all my big scores have been after I have taken a day off. There have been too many for that to be a coincidence.
The past week I haven't been streaming as much, I have been spending time with family and friends, something I don't do often enough. I have been working in the life coach/journal Klarheit, one of the gifts from the RYE meet-up, trying to map out 2019 and reflect on 2018. I have been creating some graphics for the stream. Just trying to have everything set for 2019. Because one thing that has to improve next year, is structure. More on that in the next blog!