Keeping commitments to myself
Last update I talked about focusing more on poker, that was easier said than done. As the schedule was as it was and when I played I had the feeling I wanted to leave, the following week wasn't much more poker than we played and streamed initially. People always use the terms burn-out and stuff, but that really wasn't or ain't it. It is just being a bit less motivated, inspired, energetic to go play and stream poker. That had to be renewed.
Taking Sunday's off to relax, find inspiration, spend time with family, to plan and educate myself has been one of the ways to renew myself. The study sessions we are doing weekly now every Wednesday 7pm CEST, are a great motivator for me to improve and learn. It also gives me a nice short break of playing in the middle of the week. I also try to visit my grand mom now every week, because I know how much she enjoys that. Every day when just waking up and just before going to sleep, I try to read books that inspire me and help me grow. I also try to accept the negative chatter when I make a decision of what I think is best for me, streaming something else than poker for example. I have to do what I think is best for me and the stream long term. Sprinting during this marathon at poker, is not the way to do it. Walk the talk, chase happiness not the dollars.
All in all I have been really happy with how the past week has been going. It feels well balanced. By setting those commitments and keeping them to myself, I feel better about myself. My confidence rises, my motivation increases, I feel more energetic and productive. It also allows me detach a bit more, become even more self-aware and less defensive.
"I try to listen more thoroughly"
I started to notice that most of my conflicts are a result of miscommunication. I very often blame the other person, whether that is justifiable or not.. doesn't matter. It is ineffective and only costs you. Yes it could cost you the relationship and your position and all that comes with that, but even more importantly: it costs you your own happiness. Those conflicts results in stress and leaves you with bad feelings. So what I am trying to improve at is listen even more thoroughly, listen not with the intent to reply and judge but to fully understand where the person is coming from. I then try to explain my point of view in a way that not I understand it, but the other person understands it. So that we can work together to a solution that is better than each of our solutions alone.
This is a concept that is being discussed in "7 habits of highly effective people". When I read it, it made a lot of sense to me and it also became clear to me where it went wrong in those conflicts. It may be all true that the other person doesn't respect you, doesn't listen to you, is not open-minded.. but that is out of our control. I used to blame them for that, thinking: "F you. Your way of doing A and B is not right. If you don't want to listen, fine I will do it myself". As you can see that creates friction and stress. So I am trying to be more empathetic and open myself up more. Find ways to present my ideas in a way that is understandable for that person, so we can work together in a proper way. Being able to do that, is only possible when you feel good about yourself. If you are insecure, there is no way you can. So far being able to do so has relieved me from quite some stress and bad feelings. It also makes me feel better knowing that I am able to recognize and admit my ineffective ways of working and being able to improve upon that. This way I can be even more valuable, be easier to work with and give myself more room to grow.